How to Attract the Love of Your Life

Yeah it’s a bold title. Especially for an unattached 20-something year old. However, my quest out west has taught me a lot so far. One of the biggest lessons I’m learning now is the importance of self-love. We’re always so eager to encourage and compliment other people, but never stop to tell ourselves positive, lovingly lovely things.

We attract people that are reflections of ourselves. Like I said in my post about playing the victim, if you’re not being your own cheerleader you’re probably not going to attract someone who supports you like one. So how do you attract someone like that? How do you attract soul-mate-twin-flame-hot-lust-tangled-up-in-each-other love?

By falling in that kind of love with yourself. Take care of yourself. Tell yourself how beautiful you are. Tell yourself that you are fully accepted exactly as you are. Walk past the mirror, pause, and earnestly mutter “Damn…” under your breath. Admire your muscles flex in the gym. Make you your background. Notice your skin while you put on lotion and be present to how good you feel. Look at that part of your body you don’t particularly love (if there is one!) and realize it’s a part of a whole that makes up this mind-bogglingly incredible person. This part of your body is not you – it’s a part of the vessel that you reside in. Your dream partner already knows this and never focuses on it, if they even notice it.

What would you like to hear the love of your life say to you?

Now look in the mirror and say it.

Finally, trust and be patient (this is where I’m at right now). I trust that right now, I’m meant to fall in love with myself and no one else. Truly, madly, deeply in love with myself. When I’m meant to be with someone, I’ll meet the perfect man in Vancouver who is also solid and grounded in who he is. But you know what? I haven’t met this guy yet. I trust that he’s out there, but I’m not worried about meeting him. If we’re all the same (energetically speaking that is; I am you, you are me, I am the trees, I am the earth, et cetera), then falling in love with myself is pretty much the same as falling in love with someone else anyways.

I had a thought about this the other day. Since time doesn’t really exist (clocks exist, time doesn’t), then I’ve technically already met this person somewhere in the future. I’ve already fallen in love with myself, met someone who reflected this love back to me, and we’re in soul-mate-twin-flame-hot-lust-tangled-up-in-each-other love. I just have to let my earth body catch up to this moment.

What Would a Stranger Tell You?

Standing in line at the grocery store a few weeks ago, I overheard a girl talking to her friend about some guy

This goes both ways, ladies

who asked her out, but she didn’t have the heart to say no. She was in this dilemma since “he’s such a nice guy, and I feel bad, I don’t want to make things weird”. She resolved to tell him she doesn’t date guys from work. Which could be totally valid, if she actually felt that way. It’s not for me to say, but for the sake of this article let’s say it’s not.

To me, being a total stranger completely unattached to anyone in the situation it seemed pretty easy. No one wants a pity date. But mostly, no one likes being lied to. Be authentic in your communication with others, especially when it comes to matters of the heart. It can be more difficult with such delicate situations, but in the end it’s better for everyone.

A stranger would probably tell you, no matter what your situation is, to be honest. Don’t be rude, or fake to “avoid” hurting them. Actually avoiding them doesn’t help either. Address the situation when it arises so there’s no room for the mind to wander and make up stories about what’s going on. I’ve been there; I’ve avoided responding to a person because it’s a difficult situation for me to deal with and I end up making it a bigger deal than it should be. Like Mark Wahlberg said in We Bought a Zoo, all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage. That’s it. Take a deep breath, and just be honest. This allows for a real conversation to begin, where both parties can say what’s really going on for them.

That’s probably what a stranger would tell you. They would look at the situation without any attachments. They would likely give you the response that respects both parties equally, because they aren’t privy to either of you. If that stranger was me, of course. What do you guys think?

What’s the Deal with My Website?

Energy Vampires

Yes, this was posted on http://www.abigailchristens.com a couple of days ago. However, my site is being glitchy (and not the delicious dub step kind) and all the content jumped dimensions. Until it drops back into this realm, I’m back on here for a bit.

You know the type. You plan to meet up with them (somewhat reluctantly) with the best of intentions. You promise yourself you’ll be patient, and kind, and a source of unconditional love. And then you see them. They flash you a half-smile and eye roll. Oh crap, what’s wrong now, you think. So you ask, “Hey! How are you? Everything okay?”

Forty-five minutes later…

Cancel that! Back up! Forget I asked!

You’re not a bad person for thinking this. You’ve just had your energy sucked dry! Your compassionate ear has turned into a sounding board for everything that is going wrong in your vampire-friend’s life. They’re sucking the positive energy out of you to fulfill their lack of self-love. It’s not that you don’t want to hear or help them with their problems, but when there’s no comforting them it can be difficult. Not to mention how it’s nice to have two-way conversations with your friends. So what do you do?

First of all, breathe. Visualize yourself breathing in love and light energy, filling your body with white light. As you breathe out, visualize all the negative, dark energy leaving your body.  Continue for as long as you need. Then, think about the relationship you have with this person. How often do you see them? Do the conversations always go this way? Are they going through a tough time? Are they usually super negative?

Would you feel better if they weren’t in your life? At all, or perhaps just not as often? I’ve certainly had people in my life that no matter how much I try to be positive and encouraging (even over the course of several years), they don’t want to get out of their funk. In this case, it’s been in my highest interest to distance myself and let go of certain relationships. It can be sad, but this is another way of setting healthy boundaries. You’re telling the Universe what type of people you want in your life, and what kind you don’t. Again, this does not make you a bad person. It makes you an empowered, loving, self-respecting person who knows what you want to attract into your life.

All that being said, sometimes people really just need an ear. Check in with yourself before you start writing people off. You’ll know in your heart if continuing that friendship is a good idea.

Kreativ Blogger Award

Is this real life? Holy David After the Dentist moment, Batman! I was honoured to receive the Kreativ Blogger award from the lovely ladies over at kodakkerouacs. I’d only heard of Mary and Valerie after they notified me. They’re taking photography on the road and documenting each moment. Sounds like a pretty awesome thing to be documenting to me. The conditions this time are:

1. Thank the person who nominated you and provide a link to their blog. Done.
2. Share 7 things about yourself (perfect, that’s my favourite number).
3. Pass the award to 7 nominees.

Alrighty, here we go:

1. I love to make my own espresso. As you might have noticed from my increasing comments about coffee shops and recipes involving Americano, since moving to Vancouver I’ve developed a soft spot for the dark stuff. It’s way more economical and often times healthier to make my own.
2. I truly believe I’ve got fairy blood. Between my here-comes-trouble looks and my affinity for being in nature, I may as well have a pair of dragonfly wings on my back and be on the cover of a Doreen Virtue book (I also really love True Blood, which make sense seeing as Sookie is also part fae).
3. I live in the office of a two bedroom condo. As soon as I open my door, I’m pretty much in my bed. And I’m totally okay with it. It makes “let’s go hang out in my room” a lot more… interesting.
4. I have the most AMAZINGLY supportive, loving group of friends. Seriously, they’re family. I’ve never felt more supported, accepted, or taken care of than I have with these sic beauties. I sincerely feel like I’ll be friends with these people for life, a feeling that I’m not all too familiar with.
5. As a kid I used to interview myself in the mirror. I remember my mom would overhear some of the things I would say to myself and I’d go super red. But now I realize it was all leading up to now, where I talk to my wife/business partner/roommate Kelsey on our YouTube show.
6. I’ve never been to Disney World or Land (but I’m going in May!!). Apparently that’s really surprising for some people. But my family has four kids in it, so traveling anywhere has always been a bit challenging. Instead my parents took us to beautiful lakefront cottages in the summertime. I’ll always remember finding a family of hundreds of baby frogs along an old cottage road, and my sister and I brought some back in a bucket. The parentals were not so thrilled.
7. I haven’t used shampoo or conditioner since July 2011. I use one tablespoon of baking soda and one tablespoon of apple cider vinegar (separately). It makes my hair super volumous and light. If I need to, I’ll use some argan or coconut oil in my ends to smooth things out.

And now, I’m honoured to pass on the award:

{wit + delight} | Lucid Life | Powercakes | Marc and Angel Hack Life | everyone is vegan | Wine & Cheetos | Oh She Glows

Thank you again, my loyal and lovely readers for honouring me with these awards. It really does motivated me to keep writing. Mega gratitude!!

Homemade Mocha Iced Capps

I can smell spring in the air when I step outside. Nothing quite says summertime like a good ol’ iced cappuccino. I remember the milk-and-sugar-laden concoction from Tim Hortons well. The whipped cream on top with sweet sugary frozen caffeinated goodness underneath. The almost flavourless ice left at the bottom every time.

The bloating and the blood sugar crashes. Good times.

Needless to say when I woke up to a particularly balmy morning here in Vancouver, I immediately went to my freezer to pull out some frozen Americano cubes. Enter, vegan mocha iced capps.

Ingredients

8 ounces of frozen Americano

½ cup almond milk

1-2 teaspoons cacao or cocoa powder

8 drops English toffee stevia

½ tsp maca powder (optional)

Directions

Add all ingredients into the blender and slurp away! Sun, warmth, and tan not included.

Are You a Victim of the Victim Syndrome?

This is true! Go with the flow and let things unfold naturally. People might just be making room for you. Either way, don’t play the victim if they don’t make the space. It’s all a lesson.

I discussed in my post about consistently lucky or unlucky people that we are responsible for every occurrence that happens in our lives. If you’re anything like me (human and occasionally susceptible to outside influences, no matter how much you try), this can be difficult to accept. You don’t want to accept fear or pain as your own doing. Sure, consciously you wouldn’t ACTUALLY want it in your reality. But on some level, you’ve attracted it into your life. This is something the Universe has brought up for me recently.

{Story Time} A couple of years ago, I was in a relationship that was not the most emotionally fulfilling. Against all of my best efforts, this fellow just did not seem to express any kind of emotion towards me. Needless to say, sarcasm and dry humour were abundant. I’d touted this relationship as being the one that had hurt me the most. I had been playing his role in my mind as some awful guy who didn’t want me to feel loved (a little note about music, I had Beyonce’s song Why Don’t You Love Me and Drake’s Find Your Love on repeat during this time in my life – no coincidence there). I had been playing a victim to this situation ever since. Why would I want to accept that I’d attracted heartbreak into my life?

First off, it’s easier. It’s much easier to blame others, at least for a little while until it starts to become a regular occurrence. Second, the victim role lets us avoid admitting that we have things we need to work on. In a culture that prefers perfection to personality (more on this here), admitting that we’re not already “perfect” can be scary.

Well, thanks to the Universe, I’m able to look at this situation with a new perspective now. I realized that I am fully responsible for attracting that specific man into my life. I was so hard on myself during that time. I didn’t accept myself on many levels. I didn’t practice self-love. How can I expect to have attracted others that accept me, when I hadn’t got there myself? I reframed it: He showed me just how painful not loving myself is. It really sucks.

Realizing this was incredibly empowering. It was like a veil had been lifted and I could clearly see that he played a crucial role in my personal development. Thank you Universe for bringing him into my life when you did! I’ve learned that lesson, and I’m ready for a loving, healthy relationship not only with a partner, but with myself.

Where are you playing the victim role? Accepting responsibility for everything that happens to you (not just in relationships) is empowering. It might not be pretty, but self-empowerment feels beautiful.

I Won a Sunshine Award!

I was over the moon to get a message from the lovely writer of Truthlets & Thoughtbits, telling me I’d won The Sunshine Award! Thank you, thank you, thank you for your encouraging words of acknowledgement. My readers are seriously what inspire me to keep writing. And here’s my turn to give back.

The rules are as follows:

1.  Thank the person who gave you this award and write a post about it

2.  Answer the questions below or write 7 interesting things about yourself

3.  Pass on the award to 7 fabulous bloggers, link their blogs and let them know you awarded them

Favorite Color – Pink

Favorite Animal – I’m pretty partial to puppies, but I also like kittens, unicorns, and owls!

Favorite Number – 7

Favorite Drink – Green juice. Or almond milk lattes.

Facebook or Twitter – Facebook. I’m a total addict.

Your Passion – Happiness

Your Idea of Heaven? – Where I am at this very moment. Surrounded by friends, gazing at water, enjoying life.

Favorite Day – Friday

Favorite Flowers – Cala lillies or orchids

Dear Bloggers,

Thank you for your amazing, thoughtful, and humurous contributions to the world! Your posts bring some sunshine into my life every time. Please accept this Sunshine Award of acknowledgement. I DO read your posts and think you deserve some blogger love.

The Edgy Veg - authentic, veg-tastic girl

Marina Love Movement - love, pure love and beauty

Wordtastic - authentic and hilarious personal development

Averie Cooks - stunning photography and deliciously simple recipes

Chocolate Covered Katie - the most delicious, easy, and healthy vegan dessert recipes!

Zen Habits - simple advice to make your life simple

Forever Addicting - beautifully written words about travels through life and food

“These Things Just Happen to Me!”

How many times have you heard someone say this? It tends to be the chronically unlucky (or consistently lucky) folk that have this mantra nailed down. So how do things – good or bad – chronically “just happen” to people? Let me give you some examples to help you better understand.

There tends to be one person we know who always has a problem. Every time you talk to them, they’ve either lost their cat or crashed their car or come down with the flu. Chances are, all of those things have happened to them in the last two days. Usually they don’t even want your help to solve these problems, they’d really just like to tell you about how much their life sucks. The conversation usually ends with “These things just happen to me!”

Alternatively, there’s usually another person in your life who tends to have fantastic luck on the regular. They might’ve found a $50 lottery ticket on the ground, got all of their groceries on sale, or met James Franco at dinner the other night (“He’s just a regular guy, honestly, it wasn’t a big deal” Yeah, okay Shirley, whatever). When you ask them how they have such good luck, their reply is usually, “These things just happen to me!”

The difference lies in how in flow and in integrity you are. Are you living your life purpose with joy in your heart, or are you going by what other people tell you to do, against all of your intuitive hunches? Are you in an undergrad program you despise and find that your essays get lost in cyberspace, or you’re chronically late for class (if you ever even go, that is)? Chances are, if you were absolutely in love with your program, you’d actually look forward to class. You’ll find your bad luck turns around when you start to follow your passion.

People that consistently have good luck are probably doing something they love. It might not be where they work, but it could be a hobby they do on the weekends. Consider that we spend the majority of our lives working, and if it’s not something we’re passionate about, creating passion in your life will likely be more challenging. Doing things (work related or otherwise) that fuel your soul are crucial to your overall well-being. It’s not so much about results as it is satiating your soul. Do something creative, do something fun.

If you find you are having bad luck, acknowledge it and take responsibility for it. At the end of the day, we are truly responsible for everything that happens to us. Vibrate at a low level, and low-energy events will happen to you. Once you acknowledge that only YOU have the power to change your life, you can start to take full control of the events that occur.

James Franco loves animals too.

Life has been treating me…

“Life has been treating me like a little brother, pushing me around and acting tough, but I know deep down inside it’s because it’s where I’m supposed to be and I’m going to love it no matter how much I think it hates me sometimes.”

Spoken beautifully by my friend Abe. Sometimes we don’t always know why we’re being tested, but the key is trusting that it’s all for your greater good.