How to Attract the Love of Your Life

Yeah it’s a bold title. Especially for an unattached 20-something year old. However, my quest out west has taught me a lot so far. One of the biggest lessons I’m learning now is the importance of self-love. We’re always so eager to encourage and compliment other people, but never stop to tell ourselves positive, lovingly lovely things.

We attract people that are reflections of ourselves. Like I said in my post about playing the victim, if you’re not being your own cheerleader you’re probably not going to attract someone who supports you like one. So how do you attract someone like that? How do you attract soul-mate-twin-flame-hot-lust-tangled-up-in-each-other love?

By falling in that kind of love with yourself. Take care of yourself. Tell yourself how beautiful you are. Tell yourself that you are fully accepted exactly as you are. Walk past the mirror, pause, and earnestly mutter “Damn…” under your breath. Admire your muscles flex in the gym. Make you your background. Notice your skin while you put on lotion and be present to how good you feel. Look at that part of your body you don’t particularly love (if there is one!) and realize it’s a part of a whole that makes up this mind-bogglingly incredible person. This part of your body is not you – it’s a part of the vessel that you reside in. Your dream partner already knows this and never focuses on it, if they even notice it.

What would you like to hear the love of your life say to you?

Now look in the mirror and say it.

Finally, trust and be patient (this is where I’m at right now). I trust that right now, I’m meant to fall in love with myself and no one else. Truly, madly, deeply in love with myself. When I’m meant to be with someone, I’ll meet the perfect man in Vancouver who is also solid and grounded in who he is. But you know what? I haven’t met this guy yet. I trust that he’s out there, but I’m not worried about meeting him. If we’re all the same (energetically speaking that is; I am you, you are me, I am the trees, I am the earth, et cetera), then falling in love with myself is pretty much the same as falling in love with someone else anyways.

I had a thought about this the other day. Since time doesn’t really exist (clocks exist, time doesn’t), then I’ve technically already met this person somewhere in the future. I’ve already fallen in love with myself, met someone who reflected this love back to me, and we’re in soul-mate-twin-flame-hot-lust-tangled-up-in-each-other love. I just have to let my earth body catch up to this moment.

What Would a Stranger Tell You?

Standing in line at the grocery store a few weeks ago, I overheard a girl talking to her friend about some guy

This goes both ways, ladies

who asked her out, but she didn’t have the heart to say no. She was in this dilemma since “he’s such a nice guy, and I feel bad, I don’t want to make things weird”. She resolved to tell him she doesn’t date guys from work. Which could be totally valid, if she actually felt that way. It’s not for me to say, but for the sake of this article let’s say it’s not.

To me, being a total stranger completely unattached to anyone in the situation it seemed pretty easy. No one wants a pity date. But mostly, no one likes being lied to. Be authentic in your communication with others, especially when it comes to matters of the heart. It can be more difficult with such delicate situations, but in the end it’s better for everyone.

A stranger would probably tell you, no matter what your situation is, to be honest. Don’t be rude, or fake to “avoid” hurting them. Actually avoiding them doesn’t help either. Address the situation when it arises so there’s no room for the mind to wander and make up stories about what’s going on. I’ve been there; I’ve avoided responding to a person because it’s a difficult situation for me to deal with and I end up making it a bigger deal than it should be. Like Mark Wahlberg said in We Bought a Zoo, all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage. That’s it. Take a deep breath, and just be honest. This allows for a real conversation to begin, where both parties can say what’s really going on for them.

That’s probably what a stranger would tell you. They would look at the situation without any attachments. They would likely give you the response that respects both parties equally, because they aren’t privy to either of you. If that stranger was me, of course. What do you guys think?

Are You a Victim of the Victim Syndrome?

This is true! Go with the flow and let things unfold naturally. People might just be making room for you. Either way, don’t play the victim if they don’t make the space. It’s all a lesson.

I discussed in my post about consistently lucky or unlucky people that we are responsible for every occurrence that happens in our lives. If you’re anything like me (human and occasionally susceptible to outside influences, no matter how much you try), this can be difficult to accept. You don’t want to accept fear or pain as your own doing. Sure, consciously you wouldn’t ACTUALLY want it in your reality. But on some level, you’ve attracted it into your life. This is something the Universe has brought up for me recently.

{Story Time} A couple of years ago, I was in a relationship that was not the most emotionally fulfilling. Against all of my best efforts, this fellow just did not seem to express any kind of emotion towards me. Needless to say, sarcasm and dry humour were abundant. I’d touted this relationship as being the one that had hurt me the most. I had been playing his role in my mind as some awful guy who didn’t want me to feel loved (a little note about music, I had Beyonce’s song Why Don’t You Love Me and Drake’s Find Your Love on repeat during this time in my life – no coincidence there). I had been playing a victim to this situation ever since. Why would I want to accept that I’d attracted heartbreak into my life?

First off, it’s easier. It’s much easier to blame others, at least for a little while until it starts to become a regular occurrence. Second, the victim role lets us avoid admitting that we have things we need to work on. In a culture that prefers perfection to personality (more on this here), admitting that we’re not already “perfect” can be scary.

Well, thanks to the Universe, I’m able to look at this situation with a new perspective now. I realized that I am fully responsible for attracting that specific man into my life. I was so hard on myself during that time. I didn’t accept myself on many levels. I didn’t practice self-love. How can I expect to have attracted others that accept me, when I hadn’t got there myself? I reframed it: He showed me just how painful not loving myself is. It really sucks.

Realizing this was incredibly empowering. It was like a veil had been lifted and I could clearly see that he played a crucial role in my personal development. Thank you Universe for bringing him into my life when you did! I’ve learned that lesson, and I’m ready for a loving, healthy relationship not only with a partner, but with myself.

Where are you playing the victim role? Accepting responsibility for everything that happens to you (not just in relationships) is empowering. It might not be pretty, but self-empowerment feels beautiful.

I Won a Sunshine Award!

I was over the moon to get a message from the lovely writer of Truthlets & Thoughtbits, telling me I’d won The Sunshine Award! Thank you, thank you, thank you for your encouraging words of acknowledgement. My readers are seriously what inspire me to keep writing. And here’s my turn to give back.

The rules are as follows:

1.  Thank the person who gave you this award and write a post about it

2.  Answer the questions below or write 7 interesting things about yourself

3.  Pass on the award to 7 fabulous bloggers, link their blogs and let them know you awarded them

Favorite Color – Pink

Favorite Animal – I’m pretty partial to puppies, but I also like kittens, unicorns, and owls!

Favorite Number – 7

Favorite Drink – Green juice. Or almond milk lattes.

Facebook or Twitter – Facebook. I’m a total addict.

Your Passion – Happiness

Your Idea of Heaven? – Where I am at this very moment. Surrounded by friends, gazing at water, enjoying life.

Favorite Day – Friday

Favorite Flowers – Cala lillies or orchids

Dear Bloggers,

Thank you for your amazing, thoughtful, and humurous contributions to the world! Your posts bring some sunshine into my life every time. Please accept this Sunshine Award of acknowledgement. I DO read your posts and think you deserve some blogger love.

The Edgy Veg - authentic, veg-tastic girl

Marina Love Movement - love, pure love and beauty

Wordtastic - authentic and hilarious personal development

Averie Cooks - stunning photography and deliciously simple recipes

Chocolate Covered Katie - the most delicious, easy, and healthy vegan dessert recipes!

Zen Habits - simple advice to make your life simple

Forever Addicting - beautifully written words about travels through life and food

Life has been treating me…

“Life has been treating me like a little brother, pushing me around and acting tough, but I know deep down inside it’s because it’s where I’m supposed to be and I’m going to love it no matter how much I think it hates me sometimes.”

Spoken beautifully by my friend Abe. Sometimes we don’t always know why we’re being tested, but the key is trusting that it’s all for your greater good.

10 Lessons from the West Coast

The view from the top... of my building

Happy six month Vanniversary! One of the keys to a successful partnership is celebrating milestones, even the little ones. That was one of the lessons we taught in this episode of The Awesomeness Advantage. I thought in honour of my six months in Vancouver, I’d share some of the lessons I’ve learned so far (about life and about myself).

1. I love mountains, ocean, and forests. Being surrounded by this beautiful scenery has shown me just how much I love connecting with nature. Running along the ocean and doing a mid-run meditation on the beach has proven to be super grounding for me. I encourage everyone – especially you land-locked folks – to take a drive into nature. It will change your day, and maybe even your life. Who knows. It changed my life seeing the west coast mountains a year and a half ago; now it’s the view from my bedroom.
2. Strangers can become family if you approach them with an open heart. One of my biggest fears about moving was not making friends, especially being in a new city by myself. I was happily dropped into the middle of a conscious, loving family of people that welcomed my presence and connected with me on so many levels. It’s unlike any experience I’ve had.
3. I’m, like, really funny. Don’t interpret that the wrong way, I mean it in the sense that I love getting more in touch with myself, and figuring out what my strengths are. My sense of humour has helped me to get through difficult and sticky situations. More than anything, my goofiness has proven to that I have the ability to make people feel better about their lives. From dancing in the aisles of Whole Foods to The Awesomeness Advantage, I love to make people laugh.
4. Everyone is a mirror. Every person you attract into your life is a reflection of yourself in some way. I knew this before, but I’ve really started to embrace it since being here. It’s made my communication and interactions with people way more intriguing. For every annoyance or elation I experience in someone else, I’m given the opportunity to ask myself where that’s showing up in my life. The self-expression you admire in a some girl singing to herself as she walks down the street is a quality you also carry, but might not fully want to share (yet).
5. You can’t change anyone. Or the past. Or how people will react. The only thing you really have control over is how you react in this moment. My crew here has helped me to be more authentic. To me, this means learning to how to share what I’m actually feeling and voice my needs. Doing this empowers me and allows for clear communication between all parties. I can’t change anyone, but I can change how I react, which might influence how they react in return. Kindness is always better received than passive aggression or snippiness.
6. I love love. It’s easy to get caught up in negative speech patterns and hating on other people. I know this first hand, because it’s a way that women typically bond (“She looks gross” or “You’re way prettier”). Vancouver’s given me a love-reality check: I’d much rather talk about how awesome people are. I’d rather encourage the positive aspects of a person, than trash-talk the negative aspects of another (remember point #4). Why not raise your vibes by being positive and in love with your life, rather than lower your vibes by being in a state of jealousy and fear? Reframe how you articulate your thoughts and you’ll notice changes happen all around you.
7. I love staying in. In Toronto all of my friends were a minimum 30-minute subway ride away.  Now living in downtown Vancouver and having the majority of my friends living in my building, I rarely leave my condo (let alone my neighborhood). I enjoy lounging on my couch with some vino, tunes, and good people. Not only do I save money, I get to create real connections.
8. Spiritualism is cool. I didn’t doubt this in Toronto, but I never felt like I connected with anyone on this before I moved. Having a connection to source/Universe/Divine/whatevs makes life’s ups and downs flow together with meaning.
9. I love crystals. I keep them in my bra, my pockets, and under my pillows. There’s a fifty percent
   

   I have a raw piece of quartz I use on my seventh chakra during meditation and it’s a serious connection amplifier. Yeah it’s kind of like this…

   chance of finding at least one with a broad hand sweep under my duvet. They make a difference in my attitude and my spiritual connection (see point eight). Say what you will, crystals are sweet. And pretty.

10. I’m worthy of my dreams. I’ve learned that a lot of people, myself included, have difficulty accepting their worthiness. It seems much easier to give rather than receive and allow the Universe to deliver your dreams. I don’t know where in our culture we started to accept this untruth, or how we even allowed it to occur. I know I am worthy of my dreams. I am worthy of love. I am worthy of healthy relationships. I am worthy of abundance in all areas of my life. Accepting these facts is something I work on every day.

It’s been an amazing six months, Vancouver. Thanks for calling me out here!

Actually, the Universe Wants You to Be Friendly

When I was a frequent gym-goer, I noticed that 90 percent of the time, I chose a locker RIGHT next to someone who would walk in 30 seconds later. I swear, if not before my workout, then it would be right after my shower that someone will have just settled into the locker next to mine.

Just a few of my Vancouver "tribe" family members. Surrounding myself with loving people has reminded me that I'm not on this journey alone, and I was never meant to be.

It just occurred to me a couple months ago why this might be.

We aren’t supposed to be segregated, iPod-listening, hustling and bustling commuters. We are meant to live in communities and create relationships with each other. Our very nature is to have others we can depend on and be depended on. Seriously, the Universe wants us to play nice and form bonds with one another.

Before the days of babysitters, plumbers, and restaurants, us humans had these things called communities and tribes. We depended on each other to help take care of our children, tend to our sick, and rebuild our houses when catastrophe struck. Our insurance was our neighbors. Now, we build gates higher than we can see and hire professionals to mend whatever is broken. We have this complex that we don’t need to ask for help and can fully depend on ourselves for everything. Well, this isn’t true. While I can cook a great meal without any assistance, I certainly have other areas of my life I need help in. Depending others and allowing them to help you gives you the opportunity to acknowledge their actions. You could say that asking for help is one way of providing service.

So today’s lesson is to be friendlier. Your coworkers aren’t much different from you, so crack a grin in their direction. Maybe say hello to your neighbor next time you’re in the elevator. Allow yourself to be vulnerable and ask for help. You are worthy of being helped, and deserve a loving supportive community around you.

Breakfast Bowls: Layers of Morning Goodness

Recently I have started a new breakfast phase which I have dubbed breakfast bowls.  They are comprised of three parts…

Base: some sort of protein-packed pudding/porridge mixture

Chia seeds in Sunwarrior protein almond milk with Kaia granola, goji berries, cacao nibs, and banana

Middle layer: granola

Toppings: cacao nibs, goji berries, bananas… depends on my mood and what’s available

The base layer can be any slurpy mixture you like.  Recently I’ve used the new VegaOne chocolate whole food supplement, chia seeds with almond milk, vanilla Sunwarrior blended up with almond milk and frozen banana, or some Coconut Breeze Boring Porridge.  All of these are just bursting with healthy fats, proteins and deliciousness!

For granola, if you don’t have your own homemade granola on hand, I highly recommend getting some Kaia raw chocolate buckwheat granola – I eat the stuff by the handful.  It reminds me oddly of Clodhoppers (which I also used to eat by the hand).  Otherwise look for a naturally sweetened whole food organic granola (are labels confusing for you? Shoot me an email, let’s talk).

Toppings can be any kind of magical sprinklings you like.  Sometimes I go without, depends on the base of my breakfast bowl.   Be creative! There are no limits or boundaries, kids.

Abby’s VegaOne Chocolate Breakfast Bowl

Blend…

½ cup unsweetened vanilla almond milk

1 scoop chocolate VegaOne powder

1 teaspoon cacao powder

½ frozen banana

2 ice cubes

Pour into a bowl and let it sit for a few minutes.  All that nutritious, omega-3 rich flax will thicken up as it stands.  Top with granola, and sprinkle with love and cacao nibs. Enjoy and eat slowly with a spoon.