How to Attract the Love of Your Life

Yeah it’s a bold title. Especially for an unattached 20-something year old. However, my quest out west has taught me a lot so far. One of the biggest lessons I’m learning now is the importance of self-love. We’re always so eager to encourage and compliment other people, but never stop to tell ourselves positive, lovingly lovely things.

We attract people that are reflections of ourselves. Like I said in my post about playing the victim, if you’re not being your own cheerleader you’re probably not going to attract someone who supports you like one. So how do you attract someone like that? How do you attract soul-mate-twin-flame-hot-lust-tangled-up-in-each-other love?

By falling in that kind of love with yourself. Take care of yourself. Tell yourself how beautiful you are. Tell yourself that you are fully accepted exactly as you are. Walk past the mirror, pause, and earnestly mutter “Damn…” under your breath. Admire your muscles flex in the gym. Make you your background. Notice your skin while you put on lotion and be present to how good you feel. Look at that part of your body you don’t particularly love (if there is one!) and realize it’s a part of a whole that makes up this mind-bogglingly incredible person. This part of your body is not you – it’s a part of the vessel that you reside in. Your dream partner already knows this and never focuses on it, if they even notice it.

What would you like to hear the love of your life say to you?

Now look in the mirror and say it.

Finally, trust and be patient (this is where I’m at right now). I trust that right now, I’m meant to fall in love with myself and no one else. Truly, madly, deeply in love with myself. When I’m meant to be with someone, I’ll meet the perfect man in Vancouver who is also solid and grounded in who he is. But you know what? I haven’t met this guy yet. I trust that he’s out there, but I’m not worried about meeting him. If we’re all the same (energetically speaking that is; I am you, you are me, I am the trees, I am the earth, et cetera), then falling in love with myself is pretty much the same as falling in love with someone else anyways.

I had a thought about this the other day. Since time doesn’t really exist (clocks exist, time doesn’t), then I’ve technically already met this person somewhere in the future. I’ve already fallen in love with myself, met someone who reflected this love back to me, and we’re in soul-mate-twin-flame-hot-lust-tangled-up-in-each-other love. I just have to let my earth body catch up to this moment.

What Would a Stranger Tell You?

Standing in line at the grocery store a few weeks ago, I overheard a girl talking to her friend about some guy

This goes both ways, ladies

who asked her out, but she didn’t have the heart to say no. She was in this dilemma since “he’s such a nice guy, and I feel bad, I don’t want to make things weird”. She resolved to tell him she doesn’t date guys from work. Which could be totally valid, if she actually felt that way. It’s not for me to say, but for the sake of this article let’s say it’s not.

To me, being a total stranger completely unattached to anyone in the situation it seemed pretty easy. No one wants a pity date. But mostly, no one likes being lied to. Be authentic in your communication with others, especially when it comes to matters of the heart. It can be more difficult with such delicate situations, but in the end it’s better for everyone.

A stranger would probably tell you, no matter what your situation is, to be honest. Don’t be rude, or fake to “avoid” hurting them. Actually avoiding them doesn’t help either. Address the situation when it arises so there’s no room for the mind to wander and make up stories about what’s going on. I’ve been there; I’ve avoided responding to a person because it’s a difficult situation for me to deal with and I end up making it a bigger deal than it should be. Like Mark Wahlberg said in We Bought a Zoo, all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage. That’s it. Take a deep breath, and just be honest. This allows for a real conversation to begin, where both parties can say what’s really going on for them.

That’s probably what a stranger would tell you. They would look at the situation without any attachments. They would likely give you the response that respects both parties equally, because they aren’t privy to either of you. If that stranger was me, of course. What do you guys think?

Energy Vampires

Yes, this was posted on http://www.abigailchristens.com a couple of days ago. However, my site is being glitchy (and not the delicious dub step kind) and all the content jumped dimensions. Until it drops back into this realm, I’m back on here for a bit.

You know the type. You plan to meet up with them (somewhat reluctantly) with the best of intentions. You promise yourself you’ll be patient, and kind, and a source of unconditional love. And then you see them. They flash you a half-smile and eye roll. Oh crap, what’s wrong now, you think. So you ask, “Hey! How are you? Everything okay?”

Forty-five minutes later…

Cancel that! Back up! Forget I asked!

You’re not a bad person for thinking this. You’ve just had your energy sucked dry! Your compassionate ear has turned into a sounding board for everything that is going wrong in your vampire-friend’s life. They’re sucking the positive energy out of you to fulfill their lack of self-love. It’s not that you don’t want to hear or help them with their problems, but when there’s no comforting them it can be difficult. Not to mention how it’s nice to have two-way conversations with your friends. So what do you do?

First of all, breathe. Visualize yourself breathing in love and light energy, filling your body with white light. As you breathe out, visualize all the negative, dark energy leaving your body.  Continue for as long as you need. Then, think about the relationship you have with this person. How often do you see them? Do the conversations always go this way? Are they going through a tough time? Are they usually super negative?

Would you feel better if they weren’t in your life? At all, or perhaps just not as often? I’ve certainly had people in my life that no matter how much I try to be positive and encouraging (even over the course of several years), they don’t want to get out of their funk. In this case, it’s been in my highest interest to distance myself and let go of certain relationships. It can be sad, but this is another way of setting healthy boundaries. You’re telling the Universe what type of people you want in your life, and what kind you don’t. Again, this does not make you a bad person. It makes you an empowered, loving, self-respecting person who knows what you want to attract into your life.

All that being said, sometimes people really just need an ear. Check in with yourself before you start writing people off. You’ll know in your heart if continuing that friendship is a good idea.

Are You a Victim of the Victim Syndrome?

This is true! Go with the flow and let things unfold naturally. People might just be making room for you. Either way, don’t play the victim if they don’t make the space. It’s all a lesson.

I discussed in my post about consistently lucky or unlucky people that we are responsible for every occurrence that happens in our lives. If you’re anything like me (human and occasionally susceptible to outside influences, no matter how much you try), this can be difficult to accept. You don’t want to accept fear or pain as your own doing. Sure, consciously you wouldn’t ACTUALLY want it in your reality. But on some level, you’ve attracted it into your life. This is something the Universe has brought up for me recently.

{Story Time} A couple of years ago, I was in a relationship that was not the most emotionally fulfilling. Against all of my best efforts, this fellow just did not seem to express any kind of emotion towards me. Needless to say, sarcasm and dry humour were abundant. I’d touted this relationship as being the one that had hurt me the most. I had been playing his role in my mind as some awful guy who didn’t want me to feel loved (a little note about music, I had Beyonce’s song Why Don’t You Love Me and Drake’s Find Your Love on repeat during this time in my life – no coincidence there). I had been playing a victim to this situation ever since. Why would I want to accept that I’d attracted heartbreak into my life?

First off, it’s easier. It’s much easier to blame others, at least for a little while until it starts to become a regular occurrence. Second, the victim role lets us avoid admitting that we have things we need to work on. In a culture that prefers perfection to personality (more on this here), admitting that we’re not already “perfect” can be scary.

Well, thanks to the Universe, I’m able to look at this situation with a new perspective now. I realized that I am fully responsible for attracting that specific man into my life. I was so hard on myself during that time. I didn’t accept myself on many levels. I didn’t practice self-love. How can I expect to have attracted others that accept me, when I hadn’t got there myself? I reframed it: He showed me just how painful not loving myself is. It really sucks.

Realizing this was incredibly empowering. It was like a veil had been lifted and I could clearly see that he played a crucial role in my personal development. Thank you Universe for bringing him into my life when you did! I’ve learned that lesson, and I’m ready for a loving, healthy relationship not only with a partner, but with myself.

Where are you playing the victim role? Accepting responsibility for everything that happens to you (not just in relationships) is empowering. It might not be pretty, but self-empowerment feels beautiful.

How to Fall in Love with Your Life

As I started to type up this post, my song-of-the-moment came on and I broke out into silent lip-syncing dance with Kelsey.  People sitting around us at the coffee shop looked at us through the side of their eyes while we rocked out trying not to notice or react. I can confidently say that I am in love with my life.

It’s pretty easy to fall in love with your life.  Here are the steps:

1. Do what you want.  Not in a rebel-without-a-cause kind of way, but in a you-have-control-of-your-life way.  Seriously, you have complete control over your life (with some Universal divine guidance, of course).  If you don’t like going to the bar, don’t go with your friends every week.  Go to a yoga class or a coffee shop – you’ll probably find people that are more in line with your values and interests.  Some people and things may fall away when you start doing what you want, but that’s okay. It’s all part of the process of falling in love with your life. Also, do what makes you feel good! Respect your physical vessel and only eat/drink things that make you feel delicious (does you crave foods that DON’T make you feel good? Check out this post , or this one). Do you feel amazing with a hangover? Probably not. Maybe you should party less. Just saying.
2. Hang out with people that make you smile and laugh.  Nothing raises your vibes like laughing
   

   What happens when you do what you love, stay present, and surround yourself with people you love? Random dance parties in the coffee shop with creatures like these! True story.

   yourself into a giggle oracle session . You are who you surround yourself with, so associate with people who are also in love with their lives.

3. Express gratitude on a regular basis. Appreciate moments, people, places, and things. Get a journal and write down at least 3 things that you’re grateful for in your life every night.  This is especially helpful when you’re not feeling in flow; you can look back and reflect on all the ways you can get back into your groove. Also telling people how grateful you are for them is a really powerful way to form meaningful connections.
4. Express yourself. This means something different for everyone. You can choose to express yourself through art, music, dance, or writing. You can also start to express how you really feel.  Standing your ground helps you to form healthy boundaries. Boundaries keep you true to yourself and tell the Universe what is and what isn’t okay by you. This attracts more people, situations and opportunities that are okay! Yay!
5. Acknowledge yourself.  You’ve come far on your journey to get to where you are, and it’s high time you recognized that. Take a second and stop the “on to the next one” goal mindset and look around. Did you move cities? Did you get into school for your dream career? Are you in your dream career? Did you work your butt off to be able to afford the computer you’re reading this on? These are all goals you have achieved – congratulations! For me, moving to Vancouver was a huge personal achievement, but almost as soon as I got here all I could think about was what was next. Instead I should’ve thought “Hey, good job Abby, you just moved across the country by yourself to a city where you don’t really know too many people.  Nice work.”
6. Be present. This is not a piece of advice to look over, it’s probably the most important point! Be present to where you are and enjoy that moment.  Instead of thinking about what you want to make for dinner, or thinking about the next time you’re going to see the person you’re already with, just enjoy what’s going on around you. You cannot control the future or change the past; the only thing you have a choice in is this present moment.

Here’s one way to do it: close your eyes and listen to the sounds around you without analyzing them.  Yep, even if you’re in a coffee shop.  Listen to the sound of the espresso machine, the clicking of keyboards, and the different tones of voice.  Take a sip of your Americano and savour the flavour. Open your eyes and smile at the person next to you.  We’re all humans roaming the earth wanting to experience life and love, most of us don’t bite when strangers smile at us (hopefully).

Obviously, not every moment is full of giggles and dance sessions.  If it were, we wouldn’t be able to fully appreciate the loveliness we’re normally surrounded by. Ask yourself: if everything in your life stayed the same as it is right now, would you be happy?

This is your life.  Start living it, and start loving it. Much love, angels!